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Home Entries
October 7, 2002: My first full
day from being back from Littleton, went well. While in
Littleton I made Rachel
a promise that I would tell as many people about her as I could.
One way is though this website and another is though my truck.
If anyone has seen my truck before, I was advertising the ship Texas
Treasure and the website I do on it. While in Littleton, I had
almost a vision, to replace Texas Treasure lettering on the back of my
truck and in it's place put a quote from Rachel. So I did
this. I guess this is part of my own personally little ministry.
Keeping Rachel's dream alive. She had said "I want to be used to
reach the unreached." I like to think I am continuing this.
God bless you all and thank you all for the prayers dealing with my
trip to Littleton. God has changed me because of this trip.
Till next entry.
October 11, 2002: My first week
back from Littleton. As I sit here and type, I can say there has
been a huge change in my life because of this trip. It's made a
lasting impression on me. I truly have taken Rachel's Challenge
and also as a promise I made her, to continue her chain reaction of
kindness. I have been more kind to everyone around me. And
you know what, it's amazing, it really works. When you are kind
and just try to go that extra mile for someone, you feel good inside,
you become more alive, and life has more meaning. One of my
biggest struggles is on the road. You would not believe the
amount of people on the road that drive stupidly here in my home town
area, road rage as some call it. People down here really
aggravate me, because they drive like idiots, and run the risk of
injuring others because of their impatience's. Anyways, I have
learned not to let people like that get to me, and I have learned to
be more courteous on the road. And just that little act of
kindness has helped me so much in my over all life. Learning to
do that, I have become less agitated at stuff and learned to deal with
stuff on a more calm level. Another area I struggle with is I
have a really bad temper. By continuing Rachel's chain reaction,
this has helped with my temper as well, and blow ups. I guess
the ultimate test was today on my way home. I went out and had a
wonderful day. I spent time with my grandma and got to tell her
about my trip. On the way home, this one individual, insists he has to
tail gate me. And Rio Hondo roads are wholly, I'm talking grand
canyon pot holes. So you DON'T' GO FAST on those type of roads, unless
you want to really mess up your car. So I swerved to the left to
avoid a major pot hole. So this guy slams it to the floor and
tries to pass me on my RIGHT SIDE. As I came back to my side of
the road, I just about hit him, because he was so impatient, and just
had to get in front of me or the world would come to a end. The
whole process just about caused a major accident. The roads in
Rio Hondo are to screwed up to be going fast, and this guy insists on
going 100 miles an hour and posing a threat to other drivers on the
road. Anyways, as he passed me, he rolls down his window and
flips me off. Normally I would have been calling him every cus
word in the book and would have flipped him off in return. I didn't
though. He really pissed me off though, but you know what, I
decided to let it go. I also have a picture of
Rachel on my dash, and I looked at her and remembered my promise to
her, and the anger I had subsided. Also her smile is just, I
don't know. I just look at her smile and I see Jesus shining
though her and I am instantly calmed. Anyways, in closing, I
want to challenge you, try going out of your way to be kind to
someone. Do it for a week, and I guarantee you, you will notice
a change in your life, in you heart and whole attitude toward things.
A little kindness really and truly does go a long ways!! God
bless, till next entry.
October 12, 2002: I have
started reading "Rachel's Tears" again. I am reading a little
bit of the book every night during my devotional time. First few
pages I was a weeping mess. It's going to be hard to re read the
book. After being at Columbine and Littleton, it puts everything
into a new perspective as I read Rachel's Tears for the second time.
Be praying for me, I been feeling down for some reason and I don't
know why. Maybe this entire trip that I did a few weeks back is
now setting in. I don't know. Then again maybe I'm just
tired, I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. Anyways, God
bless you all!
October15, 2002:
Lord God, I praise you for life. Life
is so precious. God work in my heart. Break so many of
these fleshly desires I have, and help me to learn to die to the
flesh. I thank you Lord for Rachel. You continue to use
her to bless my life and learn from her. God bless the visitors
that come to my site, in honor of Rachel. Lord God let me be a
instrument for You my Lord and God, let me be used by you though these
pages, to get your love and message of salvation to people around the
world. Lord bless these people that read these words, and may
they come to know the joy of serving a living God. May you use
my words to provide inspiration to their people. God I cry out
to you, I give you my heart, my soul, my all. Bless Rachel's
family and continue to work though them. I love you Lord and I
thank you for saving me and calling me to be your child. In
Jesus name. Amen!
I could not sleep. It's 2:35 in the morning here. I
just felt like pouring my heart out. I had a horrible day the
other day (Monday) Just a lot of things happened, got a nail in
my tire of my truck, had to get that fixed. Then had to go to
the dealer to get a noise my truck was making checked out. If
you scroll up, I mention the same noise while I was in Littleton.
I thank God that I was able to make it home, it was by His grace and
watch care over me that I did. Because the noise was a major
problem in the engine and I had to get it repaired. Set me back
several hundred dollars. It was just one of those days you
know we all have them. But one thing I thank God for is He is
with me. Though the hard times, though the bad days, though my
temptations, when I fall and totally blow it, He is there right by my
side, to help me up. I am so grateful to be serving such an
awesome God. Anyways, God bless each of you who come to these
pages. I hope I don't bore you all with my rambling. I
just hope that possibly something I say though this page will touch a
nerve or possibly inspire you the reader. Thanks for reading.
October 19, 2002: Well this has
been an interesting week. You know how sometimes we have one of
those days, when absolutely nothing goes right? Well that was my
story all week. I was under major attack by the
enemy, I don't know why. Weather it was temptation or dealing with my
anger, it was just a frustrating week. Anyways, the weekend has
been a blessing. The floodgates were open. I went to
to a worship service Friday night by
Dennis Jernigan. And boy let me tell you this guy is very
anointed by God. His songs we have all heard at one time or
another. Songs such as "I belong to Jesus", "You are my all in
all" (my personal favorite) "Nobody fills my heart like Jesus" Just to
name a few. The guy has a list of songs that goes on and on. Called by
some, "the psalmist of the century," God has delivered Him from a
secret life of homosexuality in 1981. He's happily married, and
has 9 KIDS, pictured on the right. He has a powerful testimony
so be sure to check out his website. I walked out of the 3
hour worship and ministry night feeling as if a weight was lifted off
my shoulder. Though song and praise, and ministry, I just let
God take all the temptation and issues I've been struggling with and
gave them to Him. The Holy Spirit was heavy in the place.
But if I learned anything that night it was that God delights in us.
He is the apple of His eye. He loves us more then we can
understand. So many times we beat our selves up over things we
have done, times we've blown it and did this terrible sin that we
think is so horrible. But we have to understand, God took all
that to the cross though His son. We are forgiven, and we are
God's child. He remembers our sins no more. I know we all
struggle with sin, lord knows I do. But we have to remember
something. When Satan reminds us of our past, you have to speak
the truth to him, and say "that is not who I am any more"
Past failures do not determine my identify, present feelings do not
determine my identify, the lies of the enemy do not determine my
identify, who determines who I am? MY HEAVENLY FATHER!!*
Stand on the promises of God, He is faithful and just, and loves
you! If any of you are from the Oklahoma City area, I suggest
you check this guy out. I promise you, you will be blessed!
He leads a night of praise on the first Friday of every month.
Click
here for more info. Well God bless you all and keep
looking to Him, our heavenly Father. Because He loves us more
then we understand, he delights in us! Till next entry!
* quote from Dennis Jergnigan's book, "This
is my Destiny"
October 24, 2002:
Matthew
5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that
they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."
Shine!
Have you ever seen or met someone who
was so on fire for God that they just SHINE OR RADIATED? The light
that God put in their hearts burns so brightly that it shows in their
lives. Now of course this isn't in a psychical sense. It's
not like you see someone and they glow, like Moses when he came down
from the mountain. It's spiritual glow and it shows in their lives and fruits. Rachel was like this. She just had a
glow about her and it showed in her life, and the way she lived it.
This glow is the light of Jesus that lives in every
Christian. Is your light a dimming flame or is it a roaring
fire? I think we should all ask our selves this, are we truly
making a impact for Christ in our world, in our schools, in our
neighborhoods? Are we showing people Christ though our lives and our
actions or are we pushing people away by our actions and lives.
A good example of how God shines though people, is this young girl
that attends my church. Her name is Melissa and she's in the
youth group at
First Baptist Church McAllen, Texas. (She's
the one on the far right in the photo.) I've been going to the
church for almost a year now, and there was just a glow about her, she
shines for God. She has that same fire that
Rachel had, there's that radiance about her. The fire that God
has put in her heart burns brightly. She has a beautiful voice,
a God given voice. She has sang several times though out the
period of time I have been going to the church and every time it has
totally and completely blessed my heart. I can remember several
months back. There was a valley wide youth event called valley
explosion. It was held at McAllen High. God used this
event to work in my heart, and to teach me brokenness. During
one of the services, people came up and just bowed down before God as
an act of worship and reverence for God. I was touched so deeply
that night, I went up also and bowed down before the Lord almighty,
totally broken and in tears. Little did I know that this event
was preparing me for working in Rachel Joy Scott Ministries and I
believe in my heart (if it's His will), one day working with youth.
Anyways, as I went to get up to return to my seat, I turned around and
saw Melissa. Hands stretched to the sky, praising God, a smile
that was that of an angel. Boy let me tell you God's glory was
all over her and it was awesome. My gosh it inspired me so
incredibly much. And again, she reminded me of Rachel so much!!
During Break though, Rachel would do the same thing, she would lift
her hands to the Lord, dance before the Lord, cry before the Lord, and
worship Him anyway she wanted to. I wanted that fire too,
to truly and honestly worship God in spirit and truth. God
touched my heart that week, I walked out of that week long youth
event changed and in a deeper walk with God. Anyways, God is
good and is awesome and wants to light your heart on fire. Would
you give him that chance today? In closing, I'd like to give a
shout out to the First Baptist Church of McAllen Youth group.
Although most of you don't know me, I see you and the way you all are
involved with the church. I can see the fire God has put in your
hearts, not just with Melissa but with ALL OF YOU!! And
you know what? That inspires me in my walk with God. It
inspires me to keep running the race like it says in Hebrews 12:1. It
inspires me to see kids and young people on fire for God because Jesus
himself said that we must have faith like a child to enter the kingdom
of God. Simple child like faith. (Mark 10:15) God
bless you and your youth pastor Bryan Gilmore. You guys are in
my prayers always. Peace!
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