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Pre-Littleton Entries:
February 25, 2003:
The planning begins
2003 has been buzzing along. I
have been busy with school and church. There's been some
interesting challenges that I've been facing, but I am putting my
faith and trust in God. Plans for my next trip to Littleton are
being made and like last year, I will have a journal dealing specify
with this trip, starting with the pre-Littleton entries, going though
to the entries while I'm in Littleton, and entries on my way home and
once I'm home. So starting today, all my entries will be my
thoughts and stuff on this coming trip to Littleton, Colorado.
My original plans of going in April has
been scratched, due to school and not having enough funds.
I have though set the month in which I will be going and that will be
May. I have made tentative dates for my trip to Littleton.
I will be there from May 11th though the 19th. I look forward to
seeing all the friends I made there and seeing Rachel's grave, saying
hi to her, and just enjoying some time away for a while. I have
been going strong with a full load in college, plus dealing with other
issues in my life and I know by the end of this
semester, this trip will be a much needed break. It will
be a time to reflect, a time to be with God and a time to just grow in
the Lord and have fellowship with fellow believers.
One of the things that I am planning on
doing is seeing Michael W. Smith in concert in Denver at the Pepsi
Center. Last year he teamed up with Third Day for the Come
together and Worship Tour. This tour continues into this year
and one of the stops is Denver, Co. Like Rachel, I am a Michael
W. Smith fan. I have never seen him in concert. So this
will be a really awesome treat for me. And by the way, I never
did make it to see Alice Cooper. I never mentioned in my
September 2002 journals if I saw him or not. So if you were
wondering, now you know.
I'd like to ask you all to keep me in
your prayers. Pray that God's hand will be upon this trip, as I
plan and make preparations for it. And that the moneys that I am
relying on will come, in order to make this trip happen.
Next month I plan on bringing my truck
in and start getting work done on it slowly. There are several
things with it, that need to be worked on, in order to make it ready
for a major road trip.
I guess that's it for now. I plan
on posting more and more as the may approaches. I will close for
now, take care and God bless.
March 21, 2003:
A Crazy World
As I watch the bombs go off in Baghdad,
like something out of a bad war movie, I can't help but think of how
much closer we grow each day to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Mark 13:8 - When you hear of wars and rumors
of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is
still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and
kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places,
and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Boy
what a glorious day that will be. I can not wait. But
until then, I guess I just have to live out each day as if it were my
last and continue to let the light that God has put in my heart, shine
brighter then ever.
Let us remember the American soldiers
over seas and the battle that they are fighting. Keep them in
our prayers and hearts. We must always remember, that God is in
control. No matter how crazy things get, God has the whole world
in His hand. I have done a small tribute to them, by
placing an American flag on the entrance page of this site. May God's
blessings be upon them and get them home safely.
The 4th Anniversary is coming up very
soon. God has opened a door to share my testimony with the
singles ministry of my church. And in doing this I will be
keeping my promise I made to Rachel. God has laid this on my
heart a while ago. I would pray and ask God, how can I honor
Rachel and remember her at my church. And just recently the
singles pastor offered me the opportunity to do this. What an
honor. I ask for your prayers. One I'm not a good public
speaker, in fact this would be the very first time I got up in public
to speak about anything. I mean I took a speech class and talked
to people then but I don't think that counts. So please pray for me,
pray for calmness and that God would take all nervousness away and
that the words I speak would be of God and not my own. I am
excited about this but also very scared too.
I continue to look forward to Littleton
in May. God has blessed me with 100 extra dollars for this trip.
I have almost saved up the goal amount needed to make this trip
possible. I just praise God for being able to do this and
to have the funds. This year has been a incredible challenge and
there have been many trials, tests and frustrations. But like I
said a few paragraphs above, God is in control and I know that all
this I'm going though is for a reason and in the end will hopefully
make me stronger.
I have been keeping my self busy with
school, church and the websites I operate. One of my newest
sites is a site done for the first Baptist Church of McAllen Texas
youth group. You can check out the lighthouse
student ministries if you'd like. I've also moved this site
to a new hosting company, which is a much better and more reliable
company, because it was out growing it's old host.
Anyways, I just thought I'd do a short
journal entry and let everyone know how things were going with me and
my planning for Littleton. Take care and may God bless us all
and this wonderful country we live in! Till next time...
March 23, 2003:
Remembering Rachel
I decided to go ahead and share my
testimony on April 16th, at Race Runners, which is the Singles
Ministry of First Baptist of McAllen, Tx. Every wed they have a
worship and praise service. Long before this, I had started to
think about how I can honor and remember Rachel for the 4th
Anniversary. I prayed hard about it, and the one thing that God
placed in my heart was to share my testimony. Time and time
again, that's what came back up in my mind and heart. So just a few
days ago, Don, the singles pastor, asked me if I'd be willing to do
this on the 16th. I was hesitant at first, but I prayed about it
and I know that this is of God and His will. I am a very shy
person, and to get up and speak in front of a bunch of people isn't
really my cup of tea. But I also feel God has called me to be a
part of Rachel's dream and ministry, and this is just one of many
doors of opportunity that God is providing. So despite the stage
fright, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and trusting in God to
get me through this and to give me the words to say. I have
made up a rough draft of my
testimony outline. You can check it out if you want.
It's really just to help me keep focused on what I'm going to share.
I will be revising it and stuff as the 16th draws near. I have 3 weeks
to prepare for this, so I think I can get everything down and ready by
then. I just ask for your prayers, so that I can have calmness
and that people's hearts would be blessed through mine and Rachel's
story. Anyways, I am excited about this and wanted to share with you
all. God bless and have a wonderful Lord's day today!!!
April 2, 2003:
Jessica Lynch
Click
here
to view a small tribute page dedicated to Jessica Lynch and her
bravery in the war in Iraq.
April 9, 2003:
Getting ready
I'm excited. Things are looking
good as far as my planning goes for the trip in May. God is so
good, and I really feel that this trip will be another blessing to me.
May is just around the corner and this month is going to be a whirl
wind of stuff. As I said in a few previous entries, I will be
sharing my testimony at my church. This will be on the 16th.
Gosh I can't believe it's almost here. I am excited about this
but also very nervous. Please pray ya all for this.
Reservations have been made for my
lodging, so I am set there. I will be staying from May 11th
though May 19th. Now all I have to do is finish getting the
money that I need, and get my truck whipped into shape. Ah yes,
please pray for my truck too, that it'll get me to and from Littleton.
It's always been a old reliable, and with over 240,000 miles on it,
it's starting' to show it's age. Next week, I'll bring it in,
for tune up, get the transmission checked, and have other little
things fixed. I'd better get off this thing, it's really late. I
have been staying up way to late lately! Till next entry. God bless!
April 16, 2003:
Sharing My Testimony:
Remembering Rachel
Tonight I did something I've never done
in my life before. I got up in front of a group of about 30
people and shared my testimony with them. This was at the
singles ministry at my church at their weekly meeting called Race
Runners. As I've said in a few entries below, I did this as a way to
remember Rachel for the 4th Columbine anniversary. All I
can say is God is good. I couldn't even begin to describe how
nervous I was. I am not a public speaker, no way!!! But I
also trusted in God and I know that God wanted me to do this and to
just simply trust in Him.
I got up there and I went completely
blank as to what I was going to say. I thought to my self, oh
man what in the heck am I doing? People were sitting there
staring at me and I was just standing there. Then in a split
second, God reminded me that I am with you always, and I was also
reminded of the promise I made to Rachel through tears at her grave
site last year and that was to tell other's about her incredible story
of courage and unshakable faith. I quickly regain composure and begin to
speak. All I can say is tonight was all God, it wasn't me.
I had practiced beforehand, and the
25
minute testimony that I had practiced many times prior, seemed to
fly by. Before I knew it I was done and I was closing with the
video montage that I recorded from Rachel's funeral.
I kind of wondered if anyone was really
touched or if God used me. But God is awesome and He takes our
weakness and His strength is made perfect through it. I had several
people come up to me and say they enjoyed it and was blessed with my
story and also Rachel's story. I gave 4 copies of Rachel's Tears
away to the singles. I was so humbled by the response I got from
my testimony and sharing Rachel's story and how she was used of God to
bring me back to Jesus. I give it all to God and I just praise God for
this amazing opportunity to share not only my testimony but the story
of a incredible young girl who's only crime was loving God. But
the most awesome event of the evening was walking out to my truck and
as I get into my truck I see a yellow note book paper attached to my
windshield wiper. I get out and read it and the anonymous writer
wrote: "Mike... Thank you for sharing your testimony, you are
an encouragement to me" To me that was the highlight of the
evening. I sat in my truck and just lifted my praise and thanks
to God. I'm not sure who wrote it, but whoever you are and if
you happen to come across this site, I just want to say to you, thank
YOU for the note of encouragement. God is great
and greatly to be praised. On April 20th I am going to be
handing out to the youth a little brochure type deal on Rachel, simply
as a way to remember her and to share her story with the youth of my
church.
To the First Baptist Church of McAllen
Singles, I humbly thank you for listening to me and for being cool
with me. You guys rock!!! May God bless you all richly!!
If any of you all wish to read my full testimony I invite you to by
clicking here.
April 21, 2003
The 4 Year Columbine Anniversary
Easter is a time for hope, as we
celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
It is also a time of great sadness as we remember back 4 years ago,
the horrible events that took place at Columbine High School. My
heart and prayers are with all the family's. May the God of
peace, bring them a peace that passes all understanding upon their
lives. I think Pastor Bruce Porter sums it up very good in a
e-mail I got from the torchgrab.org e-mail list. You can view
this e-mail
here.
April 20, 2003 was a sad day for me.
My heart ached through out the day. Church, which was suppose to
be a joyous time as we celebrated Easter, was a sad time for me.
At my church, there is a time of prayer and our pastor invites anyone
who wants to come up to knell and be prayed over to do so. I
went up and cried my eyes out. I cried not only for Rachel but
for all who least their lives that tragic day. At the beginning
of the service, I honored Rachel by sharing with the youth a little
pamphlet thing I made especially for them. It shared Rachel's story
and I also offered them a copy of Rachel's tears as well. It was
awesome being able to keep Rachel's memory alive and to share her
story with another generation of teenagers. It touched my heart
beyond words when I heard one girl say "this is cool." I
continue to keep my promise (to share her story) I made to
Rachel at her grave a year ago by doing this.
I went through the day pretty much down,
and sad. We celebrated my 28th birthday, but it was hard to be
happy. It wasn't until the evening that God opened up an amazing
door of opportunity and completely lifted me up with this. A new
chapter in this ministry that God has called me I do believe will
begin in May of 2003 when I visit Littleton. I am so totally
humbled by this and just stand in awe of how awesome God is and how
all things work out in His timing and for His glory. All I can
say is I'm all yours God, I am not perfect, I have many flaws, I am so
unworthy, but I am willing to give my all to God in this ministry.
I praise God that He has been using this
site for His glory and that people have come to know Jesus through
this website. This website isn't mine, it's God's. I am
only the instrument and I'm using the talents that He gave me to serve
Him.
Hope everyone had a great Easter.
God bless and have a great week!
April 26, 2003:
Please Pray
I don't even know where to begin.
The past few days have been so challenging. This entire year has
had it's share of frustrations and challenges, but these past few days
certainly has taken the cake. A few days ago I found out that my
dad has some health issues, and because of this there is the
possibility of me canceling my trip to Littleton. I ask
your prayers for his health, he is going in to surgery on May 5th to
unblock a clogged artery. I just ask that you all remember him
in your prayers that day, that the doctors would be touched by God and
perform their job to the best of their ability and that there would be
no complications or problems. This has been pretty heavy on my plate,
so I ask for prayers for my self too. These past few days I've
been going nuts!!!!
On top of everything else, I'm sick, I
have a cold. I can't even breath right now my nose is so stuffed up.
Of all times, now is not the time I need to be sick, but of
course I am. So again please pray for health, that I would get
over this thing quickly. I got to much stuff to do to be sick,
finals, my dad going into the hospital for surgery, this trip to
Littleton.
As far as Littleton goes it is iffy.
If there are no complications or problems with my dad's surgery, then
I'll be going. I have already canceled my original plans of
leaving the 7th and going to Oklahoma for my nieces birthday party.
I've canceled other travel plans too, as I was going to stop in
Oklahoma and Houston on my way back from Colorado.
So I just humbly ask for prayer, for my
family, my self, just this whole trip and situation in general.
I am very frustrated with everything right now. I am just trying
to see where God is going with all this and what He wants me to get
out of this.
Before I close, just a little side note,
on the section leave a
message to Rachel, I will be closing it as of May 6th 2003.
I will print out all the messages and notes of thanks and love on
heavy paper, and laminate the pages. From there I'll put them
into some sort of glass box or something (I'm not sure exactly yet)
that will help keep them from being destroyed by the outside elements.
I will then place these notes that you all submitted, at her grave
site.
God bless and thank you in advance for
your prayers regarding my self and my family!
April 30, 2003:
I'm So Sorry
One of the many things I admired about
Rachel was when she knew she did something wrong, she didn't hide it,
she admitted she was wrong, asked for forgiveness and moved on.
Rachel experimented with smoking. She knew this was wrong and
she openly confessed that she had smoked to her mom. She
admitted she was wrong, and sought forgiveness and moved on.
God has blessed me so much with this
little ministry. Though this site, and through my truck. I
have a Rachel quote on the back of my truck and it reads "Tomorrow is
not a promise but a chance" Below it is a picture of a praying
boy and a cross, and below that address to this site. My truck
is a way to minister to people on the road and God has given me this
opportunity, and it breaks my heart to even think of doing anything to
tarnish this or my witness to other people.
I have been dealing with so much stuff
and been so stressed out, with my dad sick, and then today, as I
brought my truck in for minor repairs and routine maintance, I found
out that I had much more repairs then originally thought, and I ended
up paying a large amount of money to get all this fixed. This just
added to the stress I've been dealing with. My truck was in the
shop all day, and I finally picked it up at the end of the day and
headed to McAllen for Wednesday night service. I was already
frustrated and irritated and LATE, and trying to make it on time.
I get in back of this young girl, and she's going so slow. I
lose my temper and start to tail gate her, she slams on her breaks so
I get even more angry and I violently change lanes, and as I pass her
I honk, and give her an inappropriate hand jester. She of course
retuned the favor.
Anyways, I felt so incredibly bad
afterwards. God just really started working on my heart. I
talked to God, and I got things right with God and asked for
forgiveness. By acting on my emotions rather then using my
brain, I just did what so many Christians do now a days, which is say
one thing and do another. Being a bad witness.
God spoke to me and basically said, ok
yea your right with Me, but I want you to be right with this young
girl. So I want to openly, humbly and sincerely ask for
forgiveness and say that I'm sorry to this young girl whom I offended
and wronged by my actions. I was not right for being this way
and who knows if you'll actually read this, but if you do, I am
sincerely sorry.
I guess one thing we can all learn from
my mistake today is that, when your wrong and you know your wrong and
done something bad, swallow your pride and admit your wrong. And
if you wronged someone, then make it right with them. I'm
not perfect, I have my faults, my weakness and my struggles, and I
openly confess this to you all who read this site. I don't want
anyone thinking I'm this good little Christian boy, who never does
anything wrong. I sin, and mess up like everyone else, but I
thank God that He is just and faithful and saved me through His son
Jesus Christ. It's kind of like what Darrell Scott said once,
when you mess up, get up, dust your self off and keep on going.
Thanks for reading and may God bless you all!!
May 1 , 2003:
One More Week
It's hard to believe in one more week I
will be leaving for Littleton Colorado. Seems like so much
planning has gone into this trip, and it will be a much needed rest
for me. Getting through this coming week will be the real
challenge. My dad has his surgery on the 5th. I guess just
getting through Monday is what I'm worried about. After Monday,
I will know if the surgery went well. It's been a very trying
week, dealing with different things, my stress O Metter has been red
lining. From unexpected truck repairs (which went into the
thousands of dollars) to just trying to deal with life's little
annoyances.
Unlike last trip instead of driving 20
hours straight, I will be staying in Trinidad, Colorado, and getting a
high percentage of the trip completed on Saturday. I
should pull into there at 11PM my time, 10PM Colorado time. Get
a good nights rest and then make the rest of my trip into Littleton on
Sunday. That Sunday, will be a busy day. First thing I
will do is stop at Rachel's grave. Afterwards I will meet some
friends at Trinity Christian Center and attend service there.
From there, I'm not sure what will happen. Probably just hang out,
enjoy a beautiful Lord's day in Colorado, at some point check into my
hotel.
Anyways, I get to get my eyes checked
tomorrow. It's been years since my last eye exam, and I know I
need new glasses. I don't want to run into the side of a
mountain on my way up to Colorado. So time to call it a night.
God bless and please keep the prayers coming for my dad!
May 2, 2003:
Testing out the laptop
Wow, I've been doing a lot of Journal
entries. It's all good though. I pulled my laptop out of
the moth balls and started moving stuff from my desktop over to it.
I just got through transferring my websites to my laptop, now I'm
basically testing things out by doing this journal entry. It's
still a week from my trip but I wanted to get everything transferred
over, because next week will be so hectic.
Anyways, what a day. I went to get
my eyes checked, and I spent all morning at a busy doctors office,
then went to get my prescriptions filled, and they did the wrong
prescription. So I had to go back and get re tested.
It was another challenging day. Thank the Lord it's over.
Anyways, hope you all had a great day. God bless!
May 6, 2003:
Christie and Nora
Well if it's not one thing it's another.
My truck is still having problems. It has some major issues with
the brakes. Going to evening service the other night, I went to
apply the breaks and they started smoking. So it's been at the
dealer all day yesterday and who knows how long today. I really
think God is trying to teach me paicients with all of this. It's
been very irritating. I can never understand why my truck will
run just fine for months, and it never fails, right before a major
road trip something screws up big time. It must be like a untold
law of nature or something. Anyways, it's been at the
dealer.
Kellogg Chevrolet is really good and they should find the problem
and correct it soon. A special shout out to Nora and
Christie, you both rock my world, thank you for always being so
cool with me and for keeping my truck running at it's best. If
it wasn't for you all, this trip wouldn't be happening. God's
blessings and peace be upon you both!!!
I also want to thank everyone who has
been praying for my dad. The surgery went well, and he was put
in ICU yesterday afternoon. I asked for continued prayer as he
recovers. If all is well, he could even be coming home TODAY.
Well I'd better go and call to check on
my truck. God bless!
May 9, 2003:
Tomorrow's the day
I can't believe I'm on the eve of my
trip. It's been a busy day today in preparation for my trip.
I was up at 6:30 am and got one final thing done, and that was to go
to the chevy dealer and get the oil changed on my truck. It's
been a tiring day, and I know that tomorrow will be even more tiring.
I hope to get in bed early but somehow I have a feeling I won't get
any sleep and will be running on adrenaline all the way. I am
doing this trip non stop. I must be nuts because I told my self
I would never pull something like this again. But I think I
should be ok.
I am a little concerned with the
weather. There is a winter storm warning tonight for Colorado
and into tomorrow. All though I think tomorrow night should be
clear according to the forecast. From what I've learned Colorado
weather can be screwy at times.
Anyways, that is all for now, I need to
finish the rest of my packing. See you in Littleton.
Littleton Entries:
The following entries are taken from my
personal journal and each entry is written at Rachel's grave site and
is worded as God leads the author to write. God bless and enjoy!
- Mike Santos
May 10, 2003:
Here
It's almost midnight Colorado time.
I made it in ok. It was a good drive. I have lots to say,
but will write more later. I actually am not as incredibly tired
as I was when I got here last sept. But either way, I'm still
tired. Thank you everyone for the prayers for this trip.
So far so good, my truck worked like a champ. Oh and guess what,
there is SNOW out side. haha, it's great, I haven't seen snow
since I was a kid. This rocks! Anyways, I'm off to bed.
Got a busy week ahead of me! Peace!
May 11, 2003:
Beautiful day
8:13 AM I am at Rachel's grave,
there is fresh snow on the ground, and there is a chill in the air.
It's a beautiful Sunday morning, clear blue sky, sun is out strong.
After almost a year, I am back here again, at Rachel's grave.
There were no tears this time, but a overwhelming scene of peace in my
heart. I feel God is going to work on my heart this week.
My letter to
 Rachel that I left her in September is still there.
Although a bit weathered. My chain and sailor's cross lays on
the head stone right above her name, Rachel Joy Scott. As I
shifted my feet, and the snow churches under my feet, I talked to
Rachel. I told her about everything that has gone on this year,
there is a sense of hope and peace in my heart right now.
8:36 AM: The cold chill in the air
is being replaced by a soft warmth of the sun. It's an
incredible feeing, similar to how Jesus can take a cold and bitter
heart, and fill it with warmth and love.
8:53 AM: As I stand by her cross, and
read the messages written to her, I cry.
The rest of the day was a fun filled
day. It was a very blessed Lord's day. I went to Rachel's
church, Trinity Christian Center. and met up with my good friend
Charlotte. Service was good, and I even saw Sarah Scott,
Rachel's cousin, whom wrote a poem about Rachel, which still touches
my heart today. The rest of the day consisted of awesome
fellowship with Michael, Charlotte, Nina and my self. I just
want to say a special shout out to you three. You all rock and I
thank you so much for your friendship.
It was a awesome Lord's day, and I just
praise God that I am here and I look forward to some powerful things
happening this week.
May 12, 2003:
Monday
10:17 AM: "Here I am to worship,
here i am to bow down, here I am to say that your my God...."
the chorus of this popular Tim Huges song played loudly as I was in
the Sunday service at Trinity Christian Center. God's holy
spirit just touched my heart to the core. I envisioned Rachel
singing this chorus as well, hands lifted to the sky, just worshiping
and loving God. As I thought of this I begin to cry. The
entire song I cried like a baby. The tears that did not come
yesterday, flowed like a river during this Sunday service. I am
visiting Rachel's grave site this morning. There are fresh
flowers there and the notes of love and appreciation are there right
next to my faded and weathered letter that I left her last year.
It is a very beautiful day out. The sun is out and the sky is a
beautiful baby blue. God is just so awesome. It's
magnificent days like this where I just thank God that He created me
and saved my soul. And I rejoice even more with the fact that
one day I will talk face to face with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
And when I get to heaven, I am going to give Rachel the biggest hug.
(Small windmill by her grave begins to turn rapidly, as if Rachel
agreed with me giving her a hug) There is a school near by, the
sound of children playing is heard through the gentle breeze that is
brushing upon my face. I now move in front of Rachel's cross,
and sit and just enjoy the warm Colorado sunshine. I am so happy
now. I know that this is where God wants me to be. I know
that God is going to work in my heart this week. I am just going
to enjoy this day. Later today I will meet Rachel's dad,
Darrell. Then this evening I will spend some time and hang out
with Charlotte. Right now I am fixing to go have lunch. I
will be eating at Rachel's subway (the subway where she used to work
at)
10:50 AM: I am in my truck,
getting ready to go to subway. I prayed and just thanked God for
this day. I told Rachel I'd get her some flowers and the
windmill begin to turn happily.
11:56 AM: I just got through
eating lunch at the subway where Rachel worked at. I got there
around the time Columbine let out for lunch. The place was
filled with students from Columbine High School. I pictured
Rachel at the counter, making sandwiches, and for a second I closed my
eyes and envisioned I was at Columbine High School eating lunch.
I opened them and I saw this young girl and some friends. She
looked at me and smiled. She is probably about 15 or 16.
This whole lunch experience reminded me of the call that God has put
on my life. And that is to share Rachel's story and to be a
encourager to young people.
May 13, 2003:
Blessings
1:37 PM: I go the cutest little white
roses, mini roses is what they are called. I just got through
placing them at Rachel's grave. I told her I'd get her flowers
and I did. It's a little later visiting the grave today.
It is yet another beautiful day here in Colorado, the sun is out, sky
is clear and it is warm. The little green windmill is spinning
happily in the brisk Colorado wind. I am sitting beside Rachel's
grave and just enjoying the beautiful day. It is so amazing up
here, the air is so clear, and the skies are so blue. My heart
feels so free here. The tensions and frustrations of this year
are completely gone. I wish moments like these would last
forever.
2:01 PM: I spent the last several
minutes in prayer. God is so real in this place. God use
me for your glory and will and purpose while I am here on this earth.
In Jesus name... Amen!
May 14, 2003:
Michael W. Smith
 10:06
AM: God did an awesome work in my heart last night. The Michael
W. Smith concert was awesome and God's Holy Spirit filled the place.
Over 13,000 people lifting their hearts and voices to God. My
heart was convicted of so many things, and I was just encouraged to
give these sins to God. It was a great time. I went with
Charlotte, Nina, and Michael's sister. It was a great time.
I am doing my daily visit to Rachel's grave. Once again it's a
beautiful, clear blue sky, and the sun is out strong. The notes
of love and apprehension and my mini roses rest at her head stone.
The ground is cool and the grass is soft as I sit and write this
entry. I brought my bible today. I need to get into God's
word more. I have been slacking lately. I look forward to
another blessed day. Tonight is church and I look forward to
checking out the youth group that Charlotte has told me so much about.
It is so beautiful here, that I am going to stay an extra week.
I praise God for this time and this opportunity to just renew my heart
and soul.
May 15, 2003:
Rainy Day
12:10 PM: The one thing I admire so much
about Rachel is she was human. Sometimes we may think of her as
this perfect little Christian girl, sitting there smiling. That
is not the case. She struggled, she dealt with hurt, she had
joys and she had sorrows. There were issues she dealt with just
like we all do. She lived this thing we called life. And
lived every moment to it's fullest. Thank you Rachel for being
such an encouragement to me.
It's a slightly overcast day today and
there are a few sprinkles I feel on my neck and face. It looks
like it wants to rain. Although the sun is trying to come out.
Church last night was awesome. Ground Zero is a spirit filled,
on fire youth group. It never ceases to amaze me. To see
all these young teens and young adults praising and worshiping God,
was such an inspiration to me. This going to be another blessed
day. I will probably go visit Cassie's grave today. Till
next entry. God bless.
May 16, 2003:
Hot, Hot, HOT
3:18 PM: Colorado sun shine is SO hot.
It's weird, I guess because of the higher elevation. Another
beautiful day. It's a little later in the day, I was here at
Rachel's grave earlier but there were burring someone next to Corey
Depooter. So here I am again. There are school kids,
middle school I think, walking home from school. I guess they
cut though the cemetery on their way home. It's a really nice
Friday. I ask you all for prayer for my return trip home, my
breaks seem like they want to act up, AGAIN. Several people just
arrived here. Kind of different, they is usually no one here.
I moved to the benches to allow them to see Rachel's grave.
There are several kids and a few adults. [several minutes
pass...] Ok they are gone now and I am back sitting in front
of Rachel's grave. What a blessed and peaceful place this is.
I just thank God for these precious and sacrated moments. Till
tomorrow.
May 17 & 18, 2003:
A blessed weekend
What an incredible weekend. I
don't even know where to begin. I'm doing this entry from the
computer. Both days were just a great time of fellowship and
hanging out. Saturday, I went with Michael, Nina, Greg
(Michael's friend) and his kids to this drag racing thing. I
have never been to something like that. The jet cars are so
awesome. I need to get one of those engines for my truck.
haha!
Sunday was the most awesome day,
probably one of the biggest highlight of my trip up til this point.
Sunday church was great, and I got to meet Craig Scott for the first
time and also Sarah Scott, Rachel's cousin. Her poem
Angel of mine, is featured on this site and touches my heart to
the point of tears every time I read it. Several other family
members where there as well, I was moved beyond words. I also
got to talk to Rachel's mom and got her to sign my copy of Rachel's
Tears.
Later that evening, I met Valerie Haile
as she dropped off her cat for Michael and Nina to take care of.
We later went out to eat with some friends, went bowling and just had
a really great time.
If anyone reminds me of Rachel and her
just unconditional love and compassion, it's Val. God used an
example of hers to totally and completely touch my heart. While
we were playing pool, she decided to help out this friend, because her
friend was going though some problems, and she spent a good part of
the evening just talking to her and trying to give her advice, support
and encouragement. That was just so awesome and it touched my
heart beyond words. That was totally a "Rachel thing" as Michael
would say. Val, you are so awesome and I love you so much, your
heart is so full of compassion and love, it is an honor to consider
you my friend.
God really did an awesome work in my
heart on Sunday, and I truly believe that this is totally a God thing
that I am staying this extra week. I praise God for this time,
what an incredible blessing this trip has been so far.
Father HAVE YOUR WAY IN MY LIFE!
May 19, 2003:
Cold day
Wow this weather up here is nuts.
Yesterday it was hot in the 80s and today it's in the mid 40s.
I'm doing this entry at my computer as one I forgot my pen when I went
to Rachel's grave and two, it was kind of cold out. I went and
visited Rachel's grave briefly then went to the store and got some
laundry soap. I am running out of cloths to wear, so time to
wash.
Tonight will be fun, I am going out with
Craig (Rachel's brother), Charlotte, and Nina. We are probably
going to see a movie and have dinner or something. I'd like to
see the Matrix 2. I heard it's suppose to be really good.
Anyways, I just want to thank you all so much for the prayers. I
got this one e-mail today that really encouraged me and touched my
heart. It blesses my heart and encourages me to know that someone on
the other side of the world is praying for me. Thank you to
everyone who enjoys this journal. God bless! Till tomorrow.
May 20, 2003:
Awesome Day
 4:43
PM: It's a beautiful afternoon. The ugly weather from yesterday
has cleared. The sun is out strong. It's been another
blessed day. I spent the afternoon with Nina. (Pictured left)
We went to the movies and saw Anger Management. It was so cool
to hang out with her. She has such a loving and compassionate
heart. She is just a sweet heart and in many ways reminds me of
Rachel. My heart, my prayers are with her always. Nina you
rock and I thank God and Rachel for bring you into my life. Your
an encouragement, inspiration, and blessing in my life! Never
change.
I ask for prayer. I feel as if I'm
getting a sore throat. I think I've been pushing my self to
much. I can't believe that there are only 3 full days left in my
trip. I am going to miss so much these quite times with God and
Rachel. These times here at Rachel's grave have been so sacred and
almost in a way a cleansing for my heart, soul, and mind. I will
cherish these times forever. I praise God and thank Him for such
and incredible blessing. To Him be the glory forever and ever!!!
5:23 PM: I just had the most intense
prayer with God. No one is around at Rachel's grave and I just
poured my heart out.
10:58 PM: Here in my hotel room.
It's been a quite evening. For the first time since coming up
here, I am not with friends. My throat which I told you about
earlier, has gotten worse. I don't know why but every time I get
sick, it always goes into my throat. In a way it's frustrating,
because this really isn't the time to get sick.
I'm thinking to my self "well God it's been great so far, but
what's with this sore throat? What are you trying to teach me
here? Have I done something wrong?" Anyways, I am just taking it
easy this evening. I've popped some Cipro (antibiotics) and chugged
down a bunch of vitamins and vitamin C, and hopefully with a good
solid nights rest I can beat this thing before it gets bad.
Please please pray for me that this won't get worse.
Anyways, I guess I'm off to bed. As Nina would say... TTFN which
means Ta Ta for Now!
May 21, 2003:
Highlight of my Trip
What an amazing day and evening.
My sore throat that I have is still there but the antibiotics seem to
be helping. I'm here at my computer doing this journal entry.
The day was pretty laid back, I washed cloths and then late afternoon
went and visited Rachel's grave as usual. They were working in
the area so I didn't stay long. From there I went to meet
Charlotte and me, her and Nina went to Wednesday night youth service.
Gosh what an awesome service. It was kind of hard to get into it
though because I was kind of out of it, I guess combination sore
throat and just feeling tired. We had a really blessed service,
and it just totally touches my heart and encourages me to see all
these high school students just lifting their voices and praising God.
There was this one girl her name is Stephanie I believe, that just
blessed my heart. She was there last week and wearing a cowboy
hat, and this week she was asked to say the closing prayer. And
God just touched my heart as she lifted a prayer to the Lord with such
honesty and humbleness. Keep shining for God Stephanie!!!
 Afterwards,
we all went to this 50ish themed dinner. It was really cool.
Craig joined us as well and several people from youth. It was
great. Me, Nina, Charlotte and Craig hung out and had hamburgers
while we just sat and talked and just had a really awesome time.
Craig is such an awesome person.
His fun, youthful, free, spirit is an incredible inspiration to me.
He reminds me so much of Rachel and has so much of her in him that it
is just mind boggling. I simply can not put into words how
blessed I was to be able to hang out with him and in a way, hang out
with a part of Rachel. Craig your encourage me and inspire me.
It is amazing how God can turn a bad experience and situation such as
what happened at Columbine, to something for His glory and restore and
equip you to be a soldier for Christ. Craig, I just humbly thank
you for being you and for being my friend. You rock and your in
my heart and prayers always. I look forward to hanging out with
you again during future visits to Colorado.
I also want to dedicate this entry not
only to Craig but to Charlotte and Nina. You both are such
awesome friends and I love you both so much. You have made my
trip here in Colorado a blessing beyond words, and I am so honored and
grateful that God has brought you both into my life. You guys
are forever in my hearts and prayers!!!!
I just praise God for such a blessed
trip. I know I've said this before and probably sound like a
broken record but I just can't stop praising Him. Till next
entry. God bless!
May 22, 2003:
Lesson's learned
2:00 PM: The sun is so hot. I'm
wearing my "tomorrow is not a promise" shirt and the sun is so
hot on the shirt. Today may be my last journal entry as I am
contemplating possibly leaving Friday afternoon after Nina's
graduation. I'm going to miss the quite times with just me,
Rachel and God. These past two weeks here have been such an
incredible blessing. God has blessed my heart and not only that
has taught me some things. The big one He taught me I think is
not to judge people but just be their as their friend and just support
and encourage them. Just let your light shine. Be Jesus to
them or as Michael says sometimes be "Rach" to them. I've also
learned through various experiences up here, not to sweat the small
stuff. Rachel would always say this to her friends, don't sweat
the small stuff. In other words don't let little things get to
you.
It's been a time of fellowship, a time
of spiritual renewal, a time of cleansing, a time of drawing closer to
God. Overall it's been a indescribable blessing and I can't wait
till next year or possibly even sooner. (I'm thinking of coming up in
Aug of this year) I now need to go back to the hotel and start
packing and get ready for the long drive to Oklahoma possibly tomorrow
or Saturday. Till next entry, God bless!
May 23, 2003:
Nina's Graduation
 What
a beautiful and awesome day. The sun was out and it was just a
perfect day for a graduation. I was told the pervious graduation
at Littleton High School in 2002 was a snowy and cold ceremony.
No snow this day.
I attend Nina Tamburello High School
Graduation. She is the daughter of Michael Tamburello, who is
webmaster for racheljoyscott.com and a good and dear friend.
Nina graduated from Littleton High School. Gooo Littleton
Lions!!! It was a really cool ceremony. Nina was the
reason that I extended my stay in Littleton. She is just the
most sweetest person you could meet. A little shy, like me, but
she is a dear and awesome friend and I really felt in my heart to give
her all my support and love during this important time in her life. As
I sat through the graduation, tears came to my eyes as watched her
and other young people celebrate this wonderful day of completing high
school. Going from child hood to adult hood. I thought of
my own nieces and nephews as I watched these students close a chapter of
their lives. I thought how awesome that would be for that day to
see my precious nieces and nephews graduation.
It was a really wonderful day.
After the graduation, we all went out to eat. We ate at a really
awesome reastrant, I had the most awesome meat loaf. After lunch,
I helped Michael move some equipment from his mom's house to his new
house. From there I went and met Charlotte and we hung out, went
to Rachel's grave, she did her laundry at my hotel. It was
great. I even treated her to dinner. She is such a sweet
heart too! I had a wonderful day, I even ended up staying
up later then I really wanted to just hanging and talking to Nina and
Michael. My gosh they are so awesome, words simply can not
express how much they mean to me. God bless you both and thank
you again and again for your friendship. Peace and blessings,
till next entry!
May 24, 2003:
Homeward Bound
I write this journal sitting in my
brother's travel trailer here in Wilson Oklahoma. Saturday was
a very difficult day. My final and last visit to Rachel's grave till
next trip. As I approached her grave, the tears just flowed and
flowed. It was very painful. I often wondered, as I
visited her grave over the past two weeks, the tears really didn't
flow. It was more of a time of mediation, praying, talking with
Rachel and God. But today the tears came like a river. I
sat and cried by her grave for several minutes. As the
tears subsided, I simply prayed to God and asked Him for the strength
to carry on, for peace and for a safe trip to Oklahoma for the second
leg of my trip. I talked to Rachel, and said my goodbyes.
I noticed on the crosses, there were blue and white balloons
representing the Columbine colors. They weren't there the other
day. I guess someone had put them there. Over all I spent
about 30 minutes at her grave. At about 9:30 AM, I began the
drive to Oklahoma. It was a pleasant ride, the first few
hours were rainy and drizzly, but as the day drew on, the weather
cleared and improved. The total drive was approximately 12
hours. I arrived in Wilson Oklahoma about 9:30 PM. This long
memorial day weekend they had a special event, where several of the
families of the church parked their travel trailers there and camped
out. It was a awesome two days and I'll tell you all more about
it in my next few entrees.
Over all what a wonderful two weeks.
I will do a special entry to simply sum up the entire two weeks and
it's over all effect upon me when I am back home in Texas. I ask for your prayers during the
next few weeks. I am actually considering going back up to Colorado
for a additional week, and bring my step niece. God has laid
this upon my heart, and I just ask for prayer for guidance and
direction so that I can know what to do. Till next entry, God
bless.
Return Trip Home:
Week of May 25, 2003:
In Wilson Oklahoma
Saturday was a long day. I pulled
into Oklahoma about 9:30 PM, very tired and ready for bed. My
brother's church was having a camp out type thing during the long
holiday weekend. It was really
cool. I didn't do much socializing that evening, I just said a
few hello's and went to bed. Sunday was an awesome Lord's day.
I woke up and had the most awesome breakfast made by some of the
people in the church. From there we had a great Sunday school
and then went into worship. The service was great as usual.
We spent the rest of the day hanging out and just having great
fellowship. My brother set up the church's projector in the
youth room and hooked up his laptop to the projector and all of the
young folks and kids watched movies. It was really great.
We just had a really awesome time and it was a good transition, as I
was kind of depressed about not being able to see my friends in
Colorado again for some time. I want to send out a big shout out
to Ashley Moore and Chelsea. (Pictured: Ashley throwing a
horse shoe and Chelsea in the tye dye t-shirt) You girls are awesome and
you are in my
heart and prayers always. Keep seeking after Jesus with all your heart,
mind and soul.
I mentioned in another entry that I
might be back in Colorado. On the long drive into Oklahoma, I
started to think it'd be cool to attend Nina's graduation party and
it's not that long from Oklahoma to drive back up. 10+ hours is
a piece of cake compared to 20 hours from my house. If this
works out then I'd leave next Thursday, and probably pick up my step
niece as she wanted to go with me and I think this would be a great
experience for her. I ask for your prayers considering
this matter. If I do go, I will continue to do journal entries
during the period of time I am in Littleton.
The remainder of the week, I will just
enjoy this time here in Oklahoma, with my family. I want to
thank everyone who has been visiting this area of the site and who
have been lifting me up in prayer during this time. God bless!
Till next time.
May 29, 2003:
God is great
"God is great and his grace fills
the earth, fills the heavens." God truly is great.
This week so far as been a really good visit. Last night I got
to share Rachel's story with one of my nieces, and one of her friends.
What an awesome opportunity to not only share Rachel's story but God's
love and grace. I ended up giving a copy to my niece, Debra and
her friend Bethanee. It was awesome!! And yesterday in Wed
night service one of my nephew's friends, Rusty saw a copy of Rachel's
tears that I gave to Debra the previous day. He looked at it and
at the end of the service I asked him if he wanted a copy and he said
yes. Praise God!!! I came here with 4 copies and I think I
will give them all away, what a great week it's been so far. To
God be the Glory! AMEN!
May 31, 2003:
Lake Waurika
3:00 PM It's mid-day, and boy is it hot.
We are at Lake Waurika, it is my brother and my self. Michael W.
Smith is blasting in the background and it's just a over all beautiful
day out. It was miserably hot yesterday when we arrived but a
cold front came though and cooled it down a few degrees. My
brother's kids are with their mom in Houston for the weekend so it's
just me and my brother hanging out. Right now he's in the
lake cooling off, something that I think I will do soon.
There is a pleasant breeze, families are out on the beach, a few good
looking girls walk by from time to time (hee hee hee), it's just a
beautiful and blessed day and I just praise God for this awesome time
to spend with my brother and with God and nature.
I will be Texas bound after almost 3
weeks of being out of town, some time next week. My goal is to
leave mid morning Thursday and be home Thursday evening. It's
been an incredible blessing these 3 weeks but, I really feel in my
spirit it is time to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed, eat
some home cooked meals and be on my desktop instead of this tiny
laptop, which gets annoying sometimes. But I think I've gotten used to
it. Anyways, it's hot out and I don't want the laptop over
heating or something so I will close for now!! God bless!
June 3, 2003:
Last few days
10:04 AM: It's my last few days here in
Oklahoma. I think I am ready to go home. I long to sleep
in my own bed and eat a home cooked meal and just be at home.
I am planning on leaving sometime on Thursday morning. As I've
said before, I'll say it again this trip has been an incredible
blessing. From Colorado to Wilson Oklahoma, god has blessed me
and made me stronger. Just an example is I brought four copies
of Rachel's Tears and I've given them all away. God is good all
the time, to Him be the glory!
June 10, 2003:
Home sweet Home
I am home. Home sweet home!!
It's been almost a week since I drove home from Oklahoma, tired and
exhausted. I have caught up on my sleep, and am rested and
enjoying the summer so far. This was probably the longest trip I have
ever done. Two weeks in Colorado and a week and a half in
Oklahoma.
It seems just like yesterday that I was
getting ready to leave on my trip to Littleton. It has come and
gone, two full weeks in Littleton Colorado. What an incredible
blessing this trip was. My original plan of staying a week,
ended up turning into two weeks. It's funny how God works, we
think one way and He thinks another. But I heeded to His voice
and stayed the additional week and was even more blessed.
The overall trip was very good as I've
already said for the um-teenth time. From jet cars, to
graduations, to bowling to playing pool and meeting Rachel's dad,
Darrell Scott and her brother Craig, God just poured out the
blessings. What an amazing time of fellowship, getting closer to
God, and just seeking His will. I can only imagine what my next
trip holds. I am looking forward to it already even though it is
a ways off. But 2 weeks in April of 2004, I will be in Littleton
Colorado once again. I may even possibly return sooner for a
long weekend type trip this year, God willing.
I want to thank everyone who has taken
the time to read these entries. I hope that you enjoyed them and
were blessed by them. Perhaps even for a moment, see what it's
like to visit her grave and to be in Colorado, for those of you who
may never get the opportunity to visit Colorado. I pray
something I said on this page, touched and blessed your heart. I
also want to thank those of you who were praying for this trip and my
safety, thank you so much. And thank you Rachel for watching
over me and being my guardian angel.
This will be my last entry for this
Littleton trip journal. May God's richest blessings be upon you
all!! See you next trip!
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